Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Holiday reading

Until last year I would have described myself as a voracious reader, I could easily read for an hour most evenings, maybe more at the weekend. I do not know what has happened but even if I go to bed by 10pm I am so exhausted I fall asleep in minutes, I have neither the energy or inclination to read.
I find this shocking, yet I guess it's my age, I barely recognise my reflection in passing so it appears my stamina has packed it's bags too. One time I do read is holiday time. I no longer have to remember to hang up the washing, stack the dishwasher and think about the pack lunches for the next day. Instead, especially if it rains I read, well OK after my morning walk and drawing and painting..... so I have bought the following to add to the unread pile from half term. Really not sure about this but I am going on recommendation here.
I love Capote's short stories and I didn't fancy reading In Cold Blood, whilst miles from civilisation is a Scottish shepherds cottage so I though these would be more entertaining instead.

Having struggled to complete London Orbital I thought I might as well read this one too. I am mildly obsessed by literature the centers on London so this should hit the spot. I know some may think I should take a book of Robert Burns poetry which would be more in keeping with the location but it's a holiday not a bloody endurance test...isn't it?


Monday, 26 July 2010

Sartorial London

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a coffee bar waiting for the NPG to open I took these photographs whilst waiting. In just 30 min's I saw some really well dressed women.

  • On the left this girl had just stepped off a scooter and even managed to make her jacket look good.
  • I love the green tunic with leggings, it has inspired me to wear leggings rather than trousers with tunics to create a lighter silhouette
  • I could never wear white, I do not know how people stay looking clean but this looked lovely with the loose cardie
  • I liked the layers of this one
  • Finally how to look amazing on a bike, what I really loved were the tan brogues with some beautifully cut trousers. very cool.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Wish List

How lovely is this satchel? I am beginning to need/ want a new one as both my current bags are looking quite battered. This could be The One. Jas M.B leather satchel from asos

I am still searching for a pair of Khaki trousers, summer is nearly over yet none have appeared in the sale sadly. Maybe next year. Both these images come from Vogue Japan website, I went there thinking I would get loads of inspiration from Tokyo etc. Instead the street style section is a sea of western cities!

I particularly loved this top and trouser combination and even toyed with a cream top from Fenn Wright Manson, not long after I spilt something down the top I was wearing and realised a cream top was really just an accident waiting to happen! Plus it has sold out now.


Lairds hat shop in Covent Garden is an amazing shop full of highly desirable head wear, I will be taking one of Emin's hats to Scotland accessorising it with a very fetching midge net instead!



Saturday, 24 July 2010

Friday, 23 July 2010

The final wardrobe watch

So here we are at the end of the journey, who would have thought I could sustain this for so long, and there are more in the 'box' that failed to make it! One reason this would be difficult to sustain is the light, once the mornings get darker it gets harder to photograph. However if I get time I will have a play over the holiday and slip in some specials that I am particularly pleased with. Monday 8/10
Not exactly Gallerina London, more Gallerina St Ives, yet it was lovely and cool to wear and made a change from black. Top from Jigsaw, skirt DKNY via eBay.
Tuesday 9/10
I went downstairs to hang something up in my 'other' wardrobe (my clothes are scattered all over the house because Emin has most of the wardrobe) and spied this top from COS. How on earth I had missed this all summer I don't know, it is a favourite even during the winter as it is easy to layer. This time I wore over some very light asos jersey pants, really comfortable.
Wednesday 5/10
Fine for the weekend but not a 'work' outfit, how could I get it so wrong? Well it was 'that' time of the month and I had lost the will to think so grabbed some stuff off the end of the bed. You know that walk the dog stuff that just hangs around. Really not good. Shirt from Zara, trousers, we are talking vintage here, are from River Island, can you imagine? I would not even look in the window of that shop now, yet I used to buy all my trousers from there.
Thursday 6/10
Another dull day
Friday 10/10
Yeah, you get to see my new COS dress, 1/2 price in the sale, is it not so very chic? It ticks both Paris and Gallerina boxes and I feel like a million dollars in it. I like the swishy tie bit down the side which give the dress it's extra weight. I have also realised the length of this dress is the perfect length for me, so I may be hemming some skirts this summer. I took off the necklace and replaced it with some carnelian studs, much less cluttered.
Overall this has been a very positive experience, I have learnt to;
  • add some colour
  • mix it up more
  • focus more on shape less on shroud
  • create different silhouettes using a belt
  • wear dresses more often

Men at work

So, I am walking along the road from the station to work. Unlike my more glamorous sister who strolls to work across Trafalgar Square to Pall Mall I have to navigate the detritus of a Medway town.
Today it was a knocked over men at work sign which some witty card had graffitied 'black c**t' across but then strangely drawn a large willy hanging down. This inability to correctly label the simplest of anatomical drawings probably explains the high level of teenage pregnancy in this town.

Thursday, 22 July 2010

The land of Barbara Rae

Soon I will be on my way to this cottage where I will hunker down from the might of the midges and try to blot out the bitterness that is Mother.
I am busy packing and making lists, all very last minute. I am driving to York, staying the night before setting off on the final leg. I hope to at least draw and maybe paint. My inspiration to visit came from some work by Barbara Rae, I love the energy her work has and it took me back to the days when I visited Scotland at least once a year. Even as a teenager I thought it the most beautiful place to be.
Sadly distance, children, lack of sun and cost have stopped me going back, until now. I found this beautiful cottage next to a lovely loch and it seemed the perfect place to be for two weeks.

I hope you all have an amazing holiday too, I will be back in a couple of weeks but have left you with some sporadic posts in order to clear out my picture file.

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

I have sinned

Blogguettes I stand before you accused of profligacy on an unseen scale, not since I bought two coats in COS last year have I been so lacking in self control. Swept away on a tide of sartorial optimism and fiscal insanity I have bought 2 dresses in the Isabella Oliver sale, this on top of a recent purchase of a winter dress means Scotland maybe slightly more budget than anticipated, especially if I bounce Mother home on a train. This awesome image is from the Tate Modern by Harry Callahan, I want to BE this woman, I too am feeling the Mad Men urge to dress in just a tiny bit more womanly way, so I have ordered these from Isabella Oliver in the sale, I should point out if it helps they are two for the price of one I guess.
I blame the events of yesterday. I went to the dentist to replace a filling, I have been putting it off for a year but, pun intended 'bit the bullet' and went, my dentist was so efficient she scaled my teeth and turned me around in 45mins and so I collected Leyla from school and offered to take her to Blackheath for her final violin lesson. I was actually after a Frappacino since I always feel a little sorry for myself after seeing 'that' needle. That is when I took the winter dress hit because I went into Sisters & Daughters saw a stunning block stripy dress and they even had my size.... Just as I was leaving a woman came in with an Isabella Oliver bag and I thought mmm I should check that sale out, and low, I did, I came, I saw, I spent, way too much. Each time I say "enough" but each time I push my financial envelope and once again will go home to a house that needs a lick of paint and the shower fixing and the doors rehanging and a new kitchen.
So you see where I am coming from. I live in chaos to feed my addiction, I need to write out 100X Spend money on the HOUSE not yourself!





Are they not beeeautiful

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Stephen J Morgan

This amazing exhibition is currently on at a relatively new gallery just next door to Purdy Hicks on Hopton Street. It is called the Wapping Project and it has a lovely space. These photographs were beautifully curated and hung. The website is less impressive, sadly.
image from here

I have very slowly begun to catch up with some exhibitions currently on my must see list, it is not easy, an hour here an hour there. I have so far seen The Family and The Land by Sally Mann, currently on at the Photographers Gallery. Her early images are beautifully printed, worth the journey alone, her most recent images did not work, the images are beautiful but the printing was clumsy and did not work for me.
Next up was the Voyeurism show on at the Tate Modern, my initial thoughts were too much porn and not enough street, but hey the clue was in the title, no? I remembered they had done a 'street & studio' show a couple of years back and obviously tried to avoid repetition, but this inevitably creates a lack of cohesion which for £10 is irritating. (I have just bought a ticket for the National Theatre's production of Hamlet and I know what I feel is better value for money. )
One photographer went up hugely in my estimation and that was Harry Callahan whose series Women Lost In Thought is just brilliant, especially when you understand how hard it was to take these photographs in the pre digital age. To catch people off guard like that is genius and you can see them here
Although the visit was a bit whistle stop it was also very cathartic to have a whole gallery to myself, the rest of the world was visiting the free sections downstairs.
I also had an epiphany, I have for a long time struggled to 'place' my work. I try this, I try that, without much cohesion. What this exhibition made me realise is that I am happiest when I am watching unseen, it is not voyeurism, I get no sexual satisfaction from it but I do love watching people and I love photographing people unseen. It is this that I will take with me back to Cyprus this year, although I'm glad I took the photographs of the villagers, I realise they are a bit gauche and lack my particular eye, whereas when I was poking my camera into peoples homes unseen, those images were more true to myself and my viewpoint.
So finally I have my agenda, not sure if it will work in Scotland, we will have to see. I am probably going to try and draw as much landscape as I can.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

Wardrobe watch No 13

The temperature are dropping all be it slowly, so the cardies are back out although my teaching room is still very very hot, airless and muggy. Monday 10/10
New dress from Phase Eight, only £20 so a bargain as it is loose and fluid and slightly more flattering than the photograph. Worn over grey Falke footless tights.
Tuesday 9/10
I have decided this dress in an inch too short in the body, that means I must have put on a couple of pounds and so I blame the dress for reminding me of this, the cardie is new, I have coveted this colour for a number of years the and those early lacklustre wardrobe watch posts galvanised me into brightening up my wardrobe. Dress from COS cardie from Kew
Wednesday 10/10
Yeah, finally got to try out my new belt, I have discovered though trial and error that it works best if you wrap the cardie rather than do it up using the buttons, I have subsequently tried it on with some t shirts too and it works just as well so this is really going to be useful. My one tiny niggle is because I am not as thin as I maybe should be it does scrunch up a little by the end of the day. Despite this it has updated quite a few dull and somewhat shapeless cardies. Cardie from COS, skirt from Kew, belt from Asos.
Thursday 10/10
Only one degree of separation from PJ's really yet I love this combination as the Jersey is very fluid and so falls beautifully, pants from Asos, top from Muji.
Friday 10/10
Again my other harem pants from Asos with the top I wear a LOT from Southwold, with a jersey cardie from Banana Republic.

Not the most varied of weeks but less frumpy than some, I am having to cope with about three seasons in a day as my classroom is tropical and yet outside it is gale force winds and heavy showers.
I have started to put together some holiday stuff, I am determined to have a break from black and instead enjoy some denim and stripes this holiday, I am even despite Mother beginning to look forward to it!

Friday, 16 July 2010

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Photographed by Nathaniel Goldberg Styled by Lori Goldstein

Genius, I love these images I am sure you will have all seen them by now, but I just had to show them too.

Be still my beating heart...!

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

It should not be about age appropriate but size appropriate

This dress is EXACTLY what I would call The Perfect Dress, perfect for a night out, perfect for a day out, perfect for a wedding, it skims and has perfect sleeves. The photograph is from one of the weekend supplements it's of Julia Peyton-Jones the power behind the amazing Serpentine Gallery, if I had this dress in any colour, well OK maybe not orange or emerald green but you know what I mean, navy, deep red, black, camel, all would look perfect. The article references the dress as Hugo Boss, despite an all flashing website I have not been able to find out much about them, I know I could not ever afford it but why can the high street not at least try? So wedding No 4 (well No 2 for me) arrived, not as glam as the last one although we were now at table No 4 with many of the bridesmaids (I counted over 8!) fluttering in and out. We arrived early after Emin had collected his cousin from the airport, she had flown via somewhere from Tbilisi where she is the EU blah blah, so she was shattered but stoically got ready, we arrived early to allow Leyla time to practice with the band. The bride had asked her to play her in, the tune is VERY difficult and we have endured numerous tantrums to get there but she did it beautifully and even now a tear is in my eye when I think how well she did.
She too was a bridesmaid so finally got to wear a dreamy ivory satin and net puff, the food was great and Leyla was feted by all. Whilst not drunk I did drink and was v-e-r-y lethargic Sunday and achieved nothing. Daisy & Kitty dutifully visited Mother to celebrate her birthday and appear to have fleeced my sister.
I had not intended to buy a dress for the wedding, Leyla was however somewhat crestfallen when I failed to wear the dress Lucy had lent me so I had half heatedly attempted to have a look. We were in Blackheath a couple of weeks ago to buy her some sandals I dragged her into Phase Eight as they had a sale on and did in fact find a lovely dress for school. To avoid a tantrum I feigned looking for a dress for the wedding and would you believe I found this one.
Very plain and simple but it looks lovely on and feel amazingly glamorous too, really it needed some 'big' earrings but I wrapped lots of crystal round my neck instead. The other good thing is you can get away with flat shoes, I am tall enough not to need heels so the dress was perfect in every way and Leyla too was over the moon that I had not only bought a dress but I was finally glamorous enough to take out! What you may notice is however is the arms are out, truly does a dress with sleeves exist?
In fact yesterday Janet Street Porter berated designers for not creating size appropriate clothes and I must admit I am on her side, although she could have written with a touch more eloquence, I hate it when journalist talk in a faux pally style. That said at least she is trying to get a discussion going.
The Guardian each weekend has a feature in a colour supplement called .......All Ages, the point being to provide us with inspiration on how to rock the latest look despite our age. The problem is and many, many women have written to complain, they use very, very thin women. Well what is the point? We all know that clothes hang better when your thin, age is not the issue, SIZE is and this is where JSP has hit the nail on the head, I too am a size 16, I am not particularly overweight, I have waist definition (even at my tiniest I was a size 10/12) so now approaching 50 I am a relatively toned, fit 16 which it seems is pretty much where all us 60's baby boomers are if statistics are to be believed. I have no shortage of clothes because I enjoy the challenge and I don't tend to shop high end, even if I won the lottery I would change little about my spending habits because I know my size is shunned by most designers. Their loss, we are not the signifiers they want, but as time marches on there is going to be considerably more of us chunky-monkey's than skinny young girls hence their move to woo the the richer clients from the East. I don't think designers will ever change.


This piece is pretty good, but misses some obvious shops, especially as those outside of London must get sick of Londoner's waxing lyrical about COS when they don't have branches elsewhere. I would add House of Fraser, their own brand Linea is OK for basics but the the stores franchises do seem to stock larger sizes, including Fenn Wright Manson. I like Muji for basics too and asos is a firm favourite, their own brand clothes often go up to 18/20 and free p&p makes it a no brainier.
I do not agree with her dismissal of Zara, you can find XL which fits me if well cut and I have noticed some XXL's creeping in and their trousers go up to 44. I personally think both Hobbs and Whistles are overpriced, but at least they are cut well. My sister who is a size 20 and 6 ft tall is a fan of Monsoon and Coast, and don't knock it but Next is fine too, especially since they too go up to a 20.
To a designer size 16 equates with clinically obese in reality we are women with shape and a life.

Saturday, 10 July 2010

Jeremy Gardiner


I tripped up over these looking for some Barbara Hepworth drawings. Really love them and they originate from one of my all time favourite galleries here
I am starting to wish just maybe I was going back to Cornwall, it appears to have rained every day this year where we are going....





Friday, 9 July 2010

Wardrobe watch 12

I thought initially I would have run out of steam by now, but we are two weeks away from the end of term and the start of my holiday so I have decided to keep going until then. Plus I have only replicated myself a couple of times a testament to layered dressing and having it seems quite an extensive wardrobe.
I suffer from repetitive purchase syndrome but unlike Blighty I do not appear to limit this to dresses. No, once hooked on harem pants I will buy 5 so in the end you could argue I should buy one expensive pair. Sadly that would never ever scratch the surface of an itch and so I gain inordinate amounts of pleasure from my repetitive buying habits. The most notorious being my predilection for grey cardigans shades and shapes of which provide an endless source of pleasure!
New found pleasure has been via belts and dresses, the latter is less successful as 9 times out of 10 the dress is cut for someone with a shorter body than mine but I am really beginning to love dresses they make me feel for some reason less frumpy. Monday 10/10
You may think this boring but this is the classic case of black just not photographing well. The movement in this dress is wonderful, it is light and hangs like a dream, from COS worn over some cuffed jersey pants from asos which though quite warm day kept me surprisingly cool.
Tuesday 10/10
These are my most recent harem pants only £20 from asos they are so cool & comfortable and I think look amazing. The top is the one with organza flowers around the neck, this has fast become my favourite black top, a fluke purchase from Southwold. Cardie from COS
Wednesday 11/10
Inspired or what? Having bought 3 pairs of black jersey trousers I had forgotten all about last years Zara ones, they have tiny buttons and gather at the base. I had seen up town a number of women wearing them with a narrow skirt and longer tunic a silhouette I liked a LOT. I dug around my cupboard and found this lovely heavy silk skirt bought from eBay some years back, I generally wore it with wide leg trousers but swapped them for these and a black sleeveless top.
Thursday 6/10
I though on paper this looked good, but a number of problems raised their head during the day. It was baking hot so I took the cardie off. I had worn a very heavy belt with the top and for some reason nothing gelled. The skirt from COS I now realise is too long. Whose fault is that ? Mine, I for some reason took down the hem and looking at this picture I realise it does not work below the knee. Time to get out the sewing machine!
Friday 10/10
I was going to wear this last week as it is such a cool dress to wear when it is this hot. I was startled to see I had dropped something down it but luckily it hand washed beautifully which is just as well as I have just spilt coffee down it, seriously am I clumsy or dyspraxic? And to think I was toying with a white shirt the other day.
Cardie from Primark dress from COS, they have one in black now with long sleeves I am beginning to wish I had bought it.

Thursday, 8 July 2010

NIGEL SHAFRAN

I have Disneyrollergirl to thank for these images via the James Hyman Gallery

Very much my 'thing' in the way he observes the everyday around him. I am looking forward to Cyprus this coming New Year so I can continue my project.

I just love the colours and quality of light in them, a gift he has applied to the Loewe campaign.

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Mandy Coon another style icon to love



These images are from Elle.com
I love her clothes and covet all her dresses big time.
I am optimistic that I can at least replicate the final outfit since I now have two lovely pairs of harem pants

Monday, 5 July 2010

Something for the weekend

I feel like I have just been thrown down a mile long helter-sketer and spat out such was the head spinning speed at which this weekend went by.
I lost most of Saturday by having a lie in, by that I mean I actually made it past 9am, but the knock on effect of this is that although you feel rested you end up at 8pm where you should be at 5pm.
Daisy had left the previous day for her marathon road trip to Liverpool. I had arranged to pick her up from her prom the following night but was suprised to see The Worlds Most Expensive Prom Dress still swinging from it's hanger in her room. I phoned to check if she had forgotten it and it transpired she had decided to wear her cheer leading outfit! Which before you raise an artful eyebrow cost the same as her prom dress!! Yes I give you a cheer leading outfit that cost one hundred and fifty effing pounds. It was apparently custom made and came with silver spanx hence the astronomical cost of what was essential a gym slip and top. Daisy of course failed to leave me any information about where the prom was and convinced she was dancing the night away I did not phone her. I drove to the only hotel I knew at Brands Hatch, the only info I had was the place. WRONG there are two hotels and since I had no map we spent 40mins trying to locate each other. After dropping her friends off I crawled into bed at 2.20am exhausted. It transpired they had arrived at their prom at 11.30pm! ONE HOUR they had, £40 for one hour her friend changed into her £250 prom dress for ONE HOUR.
Small comfort but at least Daisy has a second prom tonight having deserted her poor beau for 4 hours she is going with him tonight thankfully in a club up town so it will be the night bus for her.
Sunday I had booked tickets for Women beware Women at the National Theatre, she was tired irritable and generally in a BAD MOOD, I loved the play I thought it very dark but very funny and brilliantly executed. She hated it and was V grumpy. I have not seen her since but will have to go home early and sew her into her dress since despite expensive alterations it still falls down!

Michael Van Der Ham

How lovely are these? From Michael Van Der Ham's autumn/winter collection

This is what I need to float around in this summer
images from elle.com


Sunday, 4 July 2010

Ron Van Dongen

It is that time of year again when my photography students have to come up with an idea to peg a 3000 word essay on. I try not to guide with too heavy a hand but I have my weaknesses and maybe they creep through. This year appears to be coming up with a bumper crop of faves including
  • Street Photography and the Privacy Laws,
  • Using Toys to Create a Narrative (love that one)
  • Voyeurism and Friends,
  • The Relevance of Pinhole Photography in 21st Century, and then....
  • Flowers...mmm not very radical is it? In the end I pinned her down to
  • Studio Light V Natural Light, which is a start. So of course we have the usual suspects Mapplethorpe, Bourke White, Penn, then I remembered Van Dongen from years back and found these beautiful images on the Michael Hoppen Gallery website.


Sometimes it is the simplest things that give the most pleasure.


Saturday, 3 July 2010

The heat is on

With temperatures outside on their way to 30 degrees and in my teaching room even hotter I pulled out my 'Cornish' bag. This gave me some cooler bottom halves but of course on beach holidays I always wear a Tankini top so there were no extra light tops, or rather none that covered the modesty of my 'bingo wings' which I am happy to parade on the beach but less keen to do so in town. Monday 10/10
LOVE this skirt and it is the first time I have worn it since being given it a couple of years ago from Mother who bought it on a whim in COS and then realised she couldn't wear any of her long tops with it as it has quite a structured waist line. Emin laughed and called it my weird tea-towl skirt, but daisy said it looked great and it is sooo cool. The top is one of 3 I have from Jigsaw, the down side is they are so sheer I have to wear them with a vest.
Tuesday 9/10
Really thought it was cooler, but by midday I was set to combust, I LOVE the trousers from ASOS, cooler than they look but the top from COS was too thick and by the time I went home I was baking!
Wednesday 10/10
LOVE the mix of colours, it is such a shame I have not collected more lighter skirts but truly this is the first summer we have had for 3 years. This skirt is very old from French Connection, no way would they do this style now. It is so big I grip the back with one of Kitty's hair ties! worn with..you guessed it a Jigsaw top. Again with the vest, I was checked by the vest police before I left the house. Some of you will spit your tea out at the appalling sexist nature of that remark but that is the nature of living with a Muslim and after 12 years I have learnt to accept it.
Thursday 3/10
Yes I love the shirt from Zara and the linen trousers too from Zara are great, but all bloody day I was irritated and finally it dawned on me that this shirt needs a more toned down colour on the lower half, so next time I will wear them with some very old linen combats in a very washed out brown.
Friday 7/10
Love the skirt from Primark via EBay hate that bloody stegosaurus GAP top, but it was loose and kept me cool.
I have been desperately trying to find some cooler tops but only seem to find bottoms, maybe I should slink back to Jigsaw and suck up the prices. Of course once found the rain will arrive as it always does once I break up!

Friday, 2 July 2010

Ages of innocence

Following on from my previous post I have finished scanning the box of slides and managed to put together some montages in chronological order. Age 4
I know this for a fact because that was when I started prep school and the photograph is obviously my first day. I HATED that school so much, as one of the youngest in a small prep school I was bullied beyond belief, I and another sweet thing called Penny had a dreadful time and what saved my sanity was the birth of my sister, the lack of money meant I went to a state school and thankfully never looked back. I have a life long hatred of private schools because of this.
Far left
This is my preferred style of dress at that age. I remember loving waisted dresses and peter pan collars.
Center
rocking that double breasted Harris tweed. On the larger image I can see my favourite raglan sleeves.
Near right
rocking that whole clash to match look.
Far right
Yeah, stripy t shirt.
All these photographs were from before my sisters arrived, what I notice is how happy I was as a child and how similar I look to Leyla, although thankfully her sub Saharan jaw is kicking in where poor D&K have my weak Anglo Saxon one.
Finally the hair, dear God Mother why, why, why with the short hair? I remember someone referred to me as 'lad' and from that moment on no scissors came near my hair until my late teens!
So as you can see the hair is growing, skirt lengths are rising and sadly my preferred waisted dresses have been replaced by the dreaded A-line.. But I kept the peter pan collar though. Still with the double breasted tweed but now my beach apparel is a home knit Guernsey, check out those brown pins!

Hair was still growing! here I am 11ish, the evidence is that final photograph, the one where I came third in the fancy bicycle competition I was still at primary school.
Top left, with my sisters, they were inseparable and frequently mistaken for twins so close are they in age. Top right is my favourite I am so glad I found this photograph it was taken when we had Japanese exchange students and Masako let me wear her kimono, she was the same height as me! but I was tall for my age.
Most of all when I look at that photograph I feel sadness that it was probably the last one before the dreadful teenage years and all the conflict that ensued. I probably still had a tenuous relationship with Mother but already I can see I am self-consciously not smiling. It was all downhill from there.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

Three Degrees of Separation

Mother gave me a box of slides which because my scanner is just a genius I am able to scan and print. Many of the slides are mediocre some are just LOL and some pleasantly evoke memories from a long long time ago.

I try not to indulge in too much cod psychology on this blog but these images really struck a chord. I think the reason I don't get too upset about the lack of a relationship with my mother is because my relationship with Emin is so strong and I have become close to my youngest sister (thumb sucker!) The three degrees of separation are beautifully illustrated here.
  • On the left is one of many images my father took of me as a child, he clearly loved snapping away I have Polaroids, film and slides all of us growing up. They seem to come to a halt when I hit my teens, which is when he first left, guess the shine of his new family finally tarnished. My mother at best could be described as brittle but in this first image she appears warmer than I remember.
  • The central image and you can clearly see the damage is done, she has said that she does not remember holding me once my sisters were born. She was exhausted looking after 3 children and in the end tough love was the easiest love. I can clearly see I was still clinging on here, I recognise that body language from Leyla when I am with D&K but I make time to lie down with all of them because I know what it feels like to have love then be frozen out.
  • The last image is taken whilst touring the Black Forest in Germany. I vividly remember that not being much fun, I ached to visit the castles and my tight fisted father refused, as he did my desire to buy a national costume. I vomited many times from car sickness, endured countless hideous farmhouse breakfast ( I was a cereal girl through and through)This image really sums up the isolation, you will not find another picture of my mother and I close together, damage done.