I never
thought it would come to this; even now it feels so good to write again, but
the facts are plain to see, I have too much on my plate and something really
has to give and over the summer it became obvious that it was blogging I would
have to say goodbye to.
I
foolishly accepted a promotion so I have a lot of number crunching to do on top
of what was already a very difficult job.
When I
began to blog I was really only playing at teaching, but with the new
management comes accountability and so I have had to raise my game. On its own
that would be fine but I am now looking at a second year on an MA course plus
my daughter is now at Secondary school, which comes with the need for lots of
help and guidance.
So much
has changed since I began to write not least my relationship with Emin which is
now almost 80% positive, if you have been reading from the start you will know
it barely scraped over 10%.
I have managed
to fill in that mother shaped chip on my shoulder; it is now in a box marked Not
My Future. I need to thank many bloggers for teaching me that my mother was
not my future and that her only gift was projecting her hatred of Emin on to
me. Thank you all for that, now my relationship is considerably more secure.
I have
also filled in the other chip on my shoulder that of the embarrassment I felt
at being a teacher. I have read more books than I thought possible since
starting this MA and I now know that far from a negative, teaching has been a
great positive. I would no more cherish the dream of starting out in life as a
full time artist now than I would of flying. Teaching has given me stability to
raise a family, had I painted from the start I would not have had three
beautiful daughters who since writing this blog have blossomed so much. It has
taken my many years to grow into my painting and although it is very
frustrating to have to negotiate work before I can put brush to paper I would
rather it was on my terms than that of the critics and clients and public
funding and all the hideous hurdles working artist have to deal with.
I have
managed over the years to realise that my lot is a very good lot indeed
compared to many, those glamorous lives I envied are so not as glossy as they
seemed.
I have
had more dialogue with bloggers than with my own family and talking of family I
have reconciled with my father and met for the first time my half-brother. An
amazing day for all I think.
As for my
half century tour of Europe:
· Madrid 5/10 great wine, bland
architecture but housing with some good art
· Amsterdam 3/10 get a bike and
cycle as far away as you can
· Berlin 7/10 always a pleasure, I
just wish I could find a decent restaurant!
· Paris 3/10 great and I mean great
art, but not much else left for me now
· Venice 12/10 truly the most
beautiful place on the planet, I would move there tomorrow if I could, and
easily the MOST stylish of women I have ever seen
· London 10/10 food, theatre, art
and the Olympics, they were just AMAZING and yes, I was there.
· St Ives 6/10 sadly council
cutbacks have resulted in a tired lack lustre town and no waves!! (Not the
councils fault I know!)
And
finally sartorial style, I have changed beyond all recognition, I have to toot
my own trumpet and say I rocked in Venice. Blogging has opened my eyes style
wise and I have aged most artfully and gracefully into my next half century.
I will try to comment a little
bit and will leave the door open maybe for next year but for now I am waving
farewell.
