Twenty Five Forty Five

Twenty years separate the 2 pieces of work above the first a fan I found buried under a pile of paper in my cupboard was from a series I painted 20 years ago, the later a more recent collage but I am still stuck on the same theme..

I did not think that turning 45 would have much of an impact on me, most people focus on the zeros 30, 40, 50 etc but as mile stones go I have paid little attention to them. My first and I thought last milestone was turning 25 this was the first year of full employment having managed to stay on at college until then so it dawned on me that this was it the daily bump and grind of earning a living. After completing my degree I made the huge decision not to pursue a career in design but to teach it instead, all be it a temporary measure whilst I got my own work up and running, 20 years later it does not feel so temporary. I did come close to success but not close enough to give up my job especially with the hormonal clock ticking, I needed some stability. At 25 it also dawned on me that relationships were a font of disappointment too and again I made compromises which would inevitably end in tears. So here I am at 45 and it feels like a much bigger milestone than I thought it would. I am only half way through my working life 20 more years of teaching stretch ahead so I have resolved to buck up my ideas as an artist and put some of it out there. The other major change is I cannot carry on dressing like a 25 year old its time to tone it down not easy when I feel like I am still 25 but the mirror is telling me a whole different story, gravity a thickening waist add up to some sartorial changes. As for relationships disappointment has turned into despair and resentment lets hope this fuels my creative output a la Van Gogh!