Monday, 15 December 2008

The view from here

All the same, she seems to have little interest in how she appears to other people. She never watches her own shows, switches off the radio if she hears her voice, doesn't even look in the little viewer on digital cameras to see what the photographer sees. "I am not a mirror person," she says. She only ever looks at herself a small section at a time, and then only if she has to, as when doing make-up. "Why would you want to look in the mirror? If you feel good about yourself, go on that, because you're never going to look as good as you feel. And when you feel bad about yourself, you don't really want to have any evidence."

"She describes herself as cynical; she knows what people really think and what they are - whatever they say"

"She says she doesn't actually like people, but "I'm interested in them. And I'm nosy, very nosy. I want to know everything about everyone. When I was a waitress, what was so fantastic was hearing snippets of people's conversations."

These are quotes from an interview with Nigella Lawson I read at the weekend, it was like reading some thing I would have written, I would not have guessed anyone else was like this, but we appear to share common ground in our rather frosty childhood.
My mother rather shockingly confessed to me some time ago that she could not recall giving me a cuddle after the age of 5, which is when my sisters arrived back to back in less than 2 years.
I think this goes a long way in explaining why I hate the physical touch of people including my family. I will only let Emin and my Daughters close enough cuddle, anyone else makes me reel. I too also shun the mirror, my reflection never lives up to expectation. I am not at all maudlin about any of this It has given me a waspish sense of humour and an ability to be almost pathologically self contained. I have however made sure that each one of my girls has had a very cuddly childhood with not a day going by without them being told how beautiful, bright and clever they are. Such things build our self esteem , it has taken me 40 years to find mine, so the girls should now have a head start.

This weekend I watched the last Wallander and the last Little Dorrit both were very sad but visually stunning in every which way. I am officially bereft!

2 comments:

miss milki said...

I watched Wallander last night too - doesn't it make you want to jump on a plane and go to Sweden (besides all the murders of course!)

Thats kind of sad about your lack of cuddles. Funnily enough I had loads of cuddles growing up and still do but I don't think my Mum ever knew that bit about building our self esteem. She's pretty critical - cuddly critical - the irony!

indigo16 said...

I have been to Sweden a couple of times and it is just like the programme, a truly stunning country go if you can.