Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Things that piss me off, and that's just this week

No 1, 14 day money back guarantees.
This is fine if you buy something from a shop with a gazillion branches. But when you are one of, well one and you are miles away from where I work this policy = a stress induced ulcer. I am referring to those bloody trousers I bought from Selfridges, the ones that screamed midlife crisis mixed with fashion car crash. AKA harem pants. I could have bought them mail order but I was too tight to pay the P&P well that would have been a lot cheaper than the train fare. Memo to self DO NOT BUY ANYTHING FROM SELFRIDGES AGAIN
I managed to see a window of opportunity and went last night. This brings me neatly to…

No 2, People who borrow MY* camera and don’t bring it back when I need it.
That camera is like having an extra limb, I hate not having it and last night I saw at least TWO photographs that I could have taken, but no some muppet had borrowed it from me and not brought it back in time

No3, Parents evenings
As a teacher they are a pointless verbal dance of inane politeness, when all I really want to say is “your daughter is a bone idle lazy slattern who I would cross the street to avoid” or alternatively “your daughter is a vacuous fool and NO, drawing effing Disney cartoons is categorically NOT a sign of artistic genius”. From the other side of the fence I know exactly what the teacher is thinking and so it is pointless me going, but both Daisy and Kitty insist that I play this relentless game of charades and so this week I have one of my own and two of theirs to go to. My cup runeth over with joy

No4 H&M pattern cutters
Who could not cut their way out of a paper bag with a pair of sharp scissors. Pattern cutting is not just an art, but a science too. I could not do it at college so I appreciate it is not an easy task, but seriously is H&M not a big enough organisation that they can afford to get in some properly trained pattern cutters? I on impulse bought a pair of what appeared to be some really nice cotton trousers I tried them on at home and despite actually doing them up that is as far as the fit went. When I tried to walk in them they pulled across the thigh. This is just crap pattern cutting, memo to self DO NOT BUY ANYTHING FROM H&M AGAIN

No5 Over heated shops
Its still bloody freezing outside so why is it sub tropical in the shops? Short of stripping to my undies and carrying my clothes around in a shopping bag the only way to shop is very quickly. I tried a coat on in Uniqlo and honestly thought I would combust. So irritated was I walked out forgetting that I wanted to buy a short swing rain coat, the loss of this ‘must have’ accessory will now haunt me all spring.

No6 Slow loading computers
It is a testament to progress that once I would patiently wait months for images of the biannual fashion shows to emerge into the public domain. Now I can barely contain my irritation when I have to wait 40seconds for a page to load. Now try doing this whilst loading images onto Flickr and scrolling through various blog’s. My middle name may be multi task but patience is not my surname!

No7 Lent
Whose stupid idea was this? And even worse what brand of psychosis drove me to give up cheese. I am really struggling, worse than giving up chocolate. Did I really think it through? please keep in mind I am already having to cook sans pork or alcohol take away cheese and what have I left?

* Ok not technically my camera, since the school paid for it, but possession is nine tenth of the law…


materfamilias said...

Oh dear, that last one got me the most -- 40 days without cheese?!

auntiegwen said...

I empathise with the parents nights, I've just written a set of year 12 reports and have the parents eve next Thurs, I will be at school for 12 hours and no the sandwiches and pre packed flapjacks don't make up for that. Incidentally I only work 12 hours per week for this school, can you hear my hoots of derisory laughter ?

ps I have a notion for an apple green shortie raincoat ? any ideas ?

indigo16 said...

Yes materfamilias it was a BIG mistake
auntie Gwen, You get sarnies? We get zilch, nothing, they are so tight. Then they wonder why I keep tunneling.
Regards the green shortie, you are way smaller than me but If I had to start looking for Daisy it would be Benneton, Top Shop, Esprit, Uniqlo, maybe even H&bloodyM then after weeping into my hankie I would send her to Camden Market and hope she would forget all about it and buy yet another bloody useless rucksack.