Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Any colour but black

Not for nothing have I no friends. Colleagues yes, sisters, daughters, a Mother even, but girl friends came and went, despite the emotional investment of time they invariably jumped ship to more glamorous shores.
Recently a colleague has made overtures of friendship she lives close by and clearly would enjoy a meal or two, or maybe the odd girly shopping trip. Hell join the queue baby, you get first dibs after daughters, sisters, Mother and well it has to be said 'he who should be obeyed' Slim pickings for anyone really. Still she has chipped away, and invariably settles for the odd chat on the phone.
I should elucidate on our very, very different phone habitats. I have one landline, corded for my own sanity on landing number 1. This means if, God forbid I do have to speak to someone I have to do it crouched on the stairs in the equivalent of a six lane highway. This landing is the hub and spoke of the house sitting opposite the girls bedrooms and bathroom, it is the source of all that is loud, shouty and out of control. Even my my own Mother dreads any conversation with me and so generally has developed the sense to email.
In contrast my colleague is single, child free, and has wait for it...... a head set for her phone, in essence this means she can walk,talk and multitask at the same time, oh joy. This can include eating, drinking, washing up and I swear peeing. The relentless calls have subsided of late, I think she kind of realises it is not easy living in the house of chaos and so when she does phone I am aware it is for a reason.
Sunday she phones 3 times, I am either walking the dog, cooking or eating, but she perseveres and so just at the climax of Project Runway, the only programme that I actually shout at the TV watching, she phones again. I slink upstairs and await for the dilemma of the day to unfold.
And what a dilemma it is; my colleague has debated long and hard and has decided to adopt a pair of cats. Like any decision it has been thoroughly researched and investigated and she has found what she thought was the purrfect pair (sorry) Good provenance, house trained etc.etc So what was the problem?
One is a tabby, one is black, she did not think she could give black cat as much love as the tabby cat....... My reply They're cats not fucking handbags what the fuck difference does the colour of its fur make?
And that dear bloggers is why I just don't do girlfriends, seriously I missed the end of Project Runway because of a black cat.


materfamilias said...

Too funny!
I had many GFs earlier in life, especially when I was home with little ones and had friends in similar circumstances. Now, it's all I can do to keep up with my family visiting -- and teaching draws so much on any emotional, inter-personal energy that I ration what's left ever so carefully. I regularly go through period where I rail against this lack of close female friends (I still have 2 or 3, but rarely see them), yet I haven't the time, energy, or quite frankly, the will to develop and/or sustain them. This hilarious post of yours reminds me why! When I get time to myself, I'd just as soon plonk myself down with a DVD or a new book. Shameful, eh?
Yet I do worry about ending up old and alone -- then I tell myself that I'll just have to devote my retirement to finding some cronies for my senior years (or should that be crones!)

RoxyBlue said...


indigo16 said...

mater, thank god I am not alone. I think despite what they all say that teaching is a particulalry draining profession. The humour is gallows, and by the time I am free of work and family I have nothing left. When I am old I will live in splendid isolation!

auntiegwen said...

I have lots of friends, I crave solitude. I am STEEMLY CITED as this weekend I will have 24 hours with NAE WEANS and I am going to stay home, eat what and when I want, watch anything I like and sleep so very much.