I have to stop, seriously stop. Stop buying clothes, this is not some fatuous post either about 'oh naughty me I can't close my wardrobe door', no it is way deeper than that, it's about using clothes to plaster over the cracks in my life and I guess I am starting to notice as my life slowly moves to a slightly more comfortable place, maybe.
It started on Saturday, I have been so good and I have loved London so much over these past few Saturdays so why the breakdown? Whilst in Berlin we stayed 500m from COS but not once did I go in because I knew the exchange rate was so poor it would not be worth it, so instead I enjoyed Berlin, my intention was to visit galleries in London on Saturday but instead caught the first bus I could to COS, like a fly to shit, I just have no self control. I tried on everything and stood there and I realised I have all of it, in one guise or another, so why, why was I standing there shrouded once more in black?
I have an addiction, but to what? To an image of what I wish I was? But I already have it so why was I buying more? I would like to say I had the self control to walk away but I was so smitten by a drapey cardie I succumbed. Then onto Miss Selfridge to return a dress for Kitty, I spy a pair of shorts, I want them ,I need them, and then I think but when the hell would I ever wear them? When? for 2 weeks a year in Cornwall, so I walk away.
Top Shop I see a necklace, I love it, I want it, but it has a cheap catch and it is £60 effing pounds so I leave it.
I go to Uniqlo and try on another 8 dresses none of them fit but I do buy a cardie to wear with the the myriad of dresses I already have since the 10 long cardies I have don't look right. And I realise that all I'm seriously unhinged and I have to STOP.
Oh, and these, but they are SO lovely....Now I know you can wash them they are a god send and these grey ones have black trimmings so I may just get away with them for work.
But that's it no more, not forever but for a while, not because it's wasting my money, which it is and not because I have enough which I do. No, I have to stop because I have better things to do with my life than chase another bloody black tunic dress. I failed to go to a single gallery, I wasted the whole day to scratch an itch that was barely there at all and afterwards I felt stupid and shallow.
All this came to me yesterday when I went to the open house weekend in Dulwich, I have to focus on the here and now, the place I live and my work, and stop shopping.