I try not to indulge in too much cod psychology on this blog but these images really struck a chord. I think the reason I don't get too upset about the lack of a relationship with my mother is because my relationship with Emin is so strong and I have become close to my youngest sister (thumb sucker!) The three degrees of separation are beautifully illustrated here.
- On the left is one of many images my father took of me as a child, he clearly loved snapping away I have Polaroids, film and slides all of us growing up. They seem to come to a halt when I hit my teens, which is when he first left, guess the shine of his new family finally tarnished. My mother at best could be described as brittle but in this first image she appears warmer than I remember.
- The central image and you can clearly see the damage is done, she has said that she does not remember holding me once my sisters were born. She was exhausted looking after 3 children and in the end tough love was the easiest love. I can clearly see I was still clinging on here, I recognise that body language from Leyla when I am with D&K but I make time to lie down with all of them because I know what it feels like to have love then be frozen out.
- The last image is taken whilst touring the Black Forest in Germany. I vividly remember that not being much fun, I ached to visit the castles and my tight fisted father refused, as he did my desire to buy a national costume. I vomited many times from car sickness, endured countless hideous farmhouse breakfast ( I was a cereal girl through and through)This image really sums up the isolation, you will not find another picture of my mother and I close together, damage done.