Not enough time

This arrived today and my happiness was tinged with an element of sadness, as its now nearly December and I failed to set up my Etsy shop. I am just too busy I still need to paint the loft, I have yet another departmental self evaluation to do as well as plan and mark various projects. I am trying to sort out next years holiday which on its own has turned into a full time occupation, trying to please various parties involved and come in on budget, Oh and be a mother. This is however all my own doing other colleagues work part time so that 2 days are set clear for their own work I have chosen to remain full time. Money and pension are the main factors. I think it must be very hard to make a living as an artist my mothers new assistant is an established painter who cannot make enough money to live on by the time she had paid for materials and gallery fees not a lot is left. When I left college I was one of 4 students who went into teaching we were sneered at,both by students and staff, but I know many more followed after years of struggling to market, sell and create work. I think to do this and have a family is a brave thing to do. I have read the despair on mlee’s blog as she struggles to juggle her new baby with being a self promoted artist. So many successful female artists either appear to not have children or they have them and then kick start their career later in life. These are choices we make but men don’t seem to have too, I never read about a man struggling to juggle a career with family, you don’t read about guilt or abandonment from them, their life choices seem so much clearer and more clinical in execution. I am not jealous, just very frustrated. I feel that I am waiting to start my life and yet at the same time I feel I am watching the best years pass by.